I just realized I hadn't said anything since Christmas... I feel like it wasn't that long ago! A lot of things have happened since then, though.
Christmas was weird, understandably. It was sad, but we are a strong family, and we got through it. Whitney, Janet and I shared a box of wine - we didn't finish it, but it definitely helped take the edge off! I didn't know how the day would feel, and I fully expected to feel upset. I'll be honest, I wasn't upset as much as I was uncomfortable. I felt like I was waiting for people to get there the whole time. Clearly dad's presence was a big one, because he was the only one missing. I wonder if every Christmas will feel like that.
If you know anything about the day dad died, you'll know that Psalm 23 was a big part of it. For Christmas, Whitney gave me a jar of "blessings," which were small papers with different scriptures written on them. She asked me to dig in and see what I got that day, so I closed my eyes and sifted through a few and grabbed one from the middle of the stack - you probably guessed already, but I grabbed Psalm 23. That moment was a good one for us on Christmas. I don't know a lot about how heaven works, but I hope that meant that Dad was there with us.
Since Christmas I've been working, and working seems to be getting me on the track to normal again. I keep seeing people for the first time, and no one knows what to say. I feel rude even mentioning that, and that's not my intention at all. I just never imagined that being an issue for the other person, or for me not knowing what to say back when someone says "I'm sorry." What is the proper response? Really? For the most part I just shake my head.
Someone at work sort of explained to me that when her dad died, it took her months to get a grip on that reality. I think we're in the same boat. She said she had moved away from home and since she hadn't spent that much time with him in a few years, it was harder to realize that he was gone forever. I hate that the same is true for me. Staying in this house is definitely helping me, though.
Something else that is helping has been getting to know some of dad's close friends. I was just telling one of them how odd it was that most of the people that I've met since October I have only known in an awkward "I don't know what to say" sense, but that it's been so good to get to know a few of them on a deeper level. There are only a handful of them who have put in a real effort to show my sister and I how much they loved and respected dad. It's so good to hear from them, in depth, what it was like for them to be friends with dad. We are still getting a whole new view of dad - I sort of wish I could have seen it myself, but it keeps me going when I continue hearing positive things. I wish I felt comfortable posting some of the things I've heard, but I feel like I might be disrespecting those who've shared. You should look at the guestbook again, if it's been a while. I believe there are 132 entries. It's been paid for and will stay up for the next year.
Another thing, I love my sister. Enough said.
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