So here I am again, punching the air.

Each punch gets a little more soluble, though. At least I think so.

I find myself in this place once every year, I think. This last bout lasted about two years, but a major family altercation took place, as most of you know. When I was in college, the plan was to save a ton of money and go to Europe, possibly teach English somewhere in Italy, Germany, wherever that would take me. I probably would have ended up somewhere I would have been afraid of.

After I graduated I took a job in Leitchfield. This was not Europe. Then the plan became Bowling Green, then Portland, Oregon. Another failed attempt at a dream. I applied for school and everything. Then I moved back to Louisville, decided to go to seminary for music. Then dad passed away and my life changed dramatically.

Then my plan became to move to Denver! So exciting. I have friends there, it's totally dog friendly, the cost of living is similar to Louisville, there is an MLS team, etc, etc, etc. Then, as I visited the first time around, someone asked me questions like "what other schools have you looked at?" Which made me realize I was making a quick decision.

So now I'm here, again. I want to go forward, but I don't want going forward to make me take huge steps back. So I'm forcing myself to wait. Here are my (good?) reasons.

A) I need to take the GRE.

B) I need to explore other schools. I've taken a better look at DePaul recently.

C) I want to do internships with MLS, and all of those would be out of state. That would be easier if I were living close to family because I could count on someone to help me out while I was gone.

D) I want a dog. I have wanted a dog of my own since I was about 11. If I stay here and live with a roommate, I can absolutely afford one. I'm actually in the process of adopting a Weimaraner. The whole dog thing isn't just a 'want' situation, either. At least two people have agreed that it will make my life a bit happier. I go to work, I get frustrated, I come home and stay frustrated. Who doesn't need someone in their life that will love them unless he gets rabies? haha…

E) I'm scared. I want to go go go, but I'm so scared of being alone that it hinders me from living life the way it's intended to be lived. The friends I have in Colorado are married, and they're pretty good at having friends (as most married couples are want to neglect), but I would hate to think I was intruding on their lives or getting on their nerves.


This is officially too long. I'll say this: I'm not ruling out a move to Colorado. I never would. It's the #5 happiest state in the nation. Clearly it's still an option. But for now, I'm staying put. I'm going to set goals and deadlines and I WILL go somewhere. I will. I have to.